9:03 A.M.

Already hot outside. My cat has been out all night and I haven't seen him since & I realize I worried less about his stupid ass in coyote country than I do back here in the Big City. The indelible signature on my mind of the last time we lived in the city is an incident still fresh in my thoughts sometimes as if it just happened a few hours ago.

It's been a hard move that's not over yet by a long shot, stamped painfully harder with the death of my wife's father & other depressing setbacks and disappointments that, at moments like now, make me wish we hadn't bothered with this goddamned awful move. It IS obviously also culture shock to be sure. I realize now just how the country allowed me the only culture I really appreciate any more - none at all.

I walked around naked in the country. I could do that basically because I was living in open reclusion. But here, I don't want to leave the house. I don't want to push aside the heavy curtains and peer through the clenched blinds. Police helicopters swirl over the house at night, my wife's car has already been rummaged through & I want to keep my guns loaded.

In short, I really hate living back here right now.

Time to go look for the goddamned cat again.

UPDATE: Cat's inside again. Hopefully he did all he had to do & won't shit on the floor like he has become inclined.