There was enough of an ice storm last night that I am stranded at my house. I am warm. I have food. I have also reached a better place in my mindset. I have been through this before and I know I can do it again. Last time, the first thing I did of any constructive sort was to just surrender. Admit defeat. Admit I had no control and things may not turn out the way I want them too.
I am doing that again. Picking up the pieces.
I spoke with her today (and by the way, Every Thirty Seconds is not a secret to her and I have told her that I am writing here again) and we talked like we should have talked all along. We are both guilty in that respect. I see myself as scared of what she might say if I press her to talk and guilty of succumbing to the superficial. I would be at the computer and she'd be at the TV and the disconnection became a normality. I needed her to express herself and she wouldn't. One of the saddest stories she'd ever revealed to me was why she quit singing. I won't tell it here, in part because I have never understood it, but I will say it seems symptomatic of a silence to her - maybe a shyness, I really don't know. All I know is that she and I don't really talk about serious stuff until it seems too late. It's very late right now but the snow has at least stopped falling. The ice isn't getting any worse. Things will melt away in time. Hopefully it does something for the drought we've experienced but I don't know it will be enough. So much is like that.
I am doing that again. Picking up the pieces.
I spoke with her today (and by the way, Every Thirty Seconds is not a secret to her and I have told her that I am writing here again) and we talked like we should have talked all along. We are both guilty in that respect. I see myself as scared of what she might say if I press her to talk and guilty of succumbing to the superficial. I would be at the computer and she'd be at the TV and the disconnection became a normality. I needed her to express herself and she wouldn't. One of the saddest stories she'd ever revealed to me was why she quit singing. I won't tell it here, in part because I have never understood it, but I will say it seems symptomatic of a silence to her - maybe a shyness, I really don't know. All I know is that she and I don't really talk about serious stuff until it seems too late. It's very late right now but the snow has at least stopped falling. The ice isn't getting any worse. Things will melt away in time. Hopefully it does something for the drought we've experienced but I don't know it will be enough. So much is like that.
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