I found out Sunday that my wife was thinking about divorce. This comes six months after she left me, taking my son with her, to go study the fine arts of asshole waxing.
I have been devastated. I cannot express the sense of betrayal.
She's on a spiritual journey, you see. I didn't want her to go, anticipating this very scenario.
So anyway, I'm up early looking for apartment ads, thinking about abandoning all these reminders of her, just like she already did, and I find Ordinary People playing on HBO.
And then I had the following conversation with my cat:
"It's been an experience but I think it's time for me to go. See ya'."
The cat blinks. I know I have the advantage of surprise.
I go for the jugular...
"There's just no advantage to being with you while I pursue becoming the woman I am destined to be."
The cat emits a feeble protest.
I cannot fully describe how pathetic it is and how much it disgusts me.
"Don't you want to know enlightenment and spiritual fulfillment too? Jesus Christ..."
Another whiney meow. I can barely contain my repulsion. The cat walks away...
"Fine! Be like that!"
The cat wants out of the house. I hate how he leaves when I am having an argument with him - more fuel to the fire though, I guess.
"Go ahead and shit in the brussel sprouts! Your anger is tearing us apart! I will endure your viciousness out of love! You know your actions just make things worse!"
The cat shits in the garden and I try to forgive him. Oh, how I try.
She claims she tried to spare me and everybody else of "ruining the holiday" by waiting long enough to work up the nerve to tell me she was "thinking" about getting a divorce.
Let's have the best Christmas ever - we can, you know?
I have been devastated. I cannot express the sense of betrayal.
She's on a spiritual journey, you see. I didn't want her to go, anticipating this very scenario.
So anyway, I'm up early looking for apartment ads, thinking about abandoning all these reminders of her, just like she already did, and I find Ordinary People playing on HBO.
And then I had the following conversation with my cat:
"It's been an experience but I think it's time for me to go. See ya'."
The cat blinks. I know I have the advantage of surprise.
I go for the jugular...
"There's just no advantage to being with you while I pursue becoming the woman I am destined to be."
The cat emits a feeble protest.
I cannot fully describe how pathetic it is and how much it disgusts me.
"Don't you want to know enlightenment and spiritual fulfillment too? Jesus Christ..."
Another whiney meow. I can barely contain my repulsion. The cat walks away...
"Fine! Be like that!"
The cat wants out of the house. I hate how he leaves when I am having an argument with him - more fuel to the fire though, I guess.
"Go ahead and shit in the brussel sprouts! Your anger is tearing us apart! I will endure your viciousness out of love! You know your actions just make things worse!"
The cat shits in the garden and I try to forgive him. Oh, how I try.
She claims she tried to spare me and everybody else of "ruining the holiday" by waiting long enough to work up the nerve to tell me she was "thinking" about getting a divorce.
Let's have the best Christmas ever - we can, you know?
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