File under 'Asshole'

In accordance with 30 Seconds acting more as a journal documenting the happenings of everyday life - sometimes unremarkable, sometimes dull, sometimes enormously stupid - I sit down now to continue writing of the ongoing escape from this house. Forgive me if I repeat certain already stated facts.
I am not trying to justify myself. Hell no - I feel perfectly fucking righteous in the matter. I am writing this in part (and may continue to) in preparation for a law suit.
Robert, if you're out there, I am goddamn sure thinking about it.

After another dream-filled night of being under siege I woke up and found my woman on the couch. "I had bad dreams last night," she said. "Me too," I replied, "I dreamed that there were people after us, trying to break into this house, and I dreamed I shot one of them and killed him."

After putting some water on the stove for tea, I looked at the caller I.D. on the phone - the landlord had called and left a huffy puffy message: "This is _____ calling for James or James' woman. I need to speak to you immediately. Bye." He had come over yesterday morning and I awoke to his authoritative knock. By the time I had clothes on, he was gone. He left an identical message to the one today on voice mail a few minutes later.

I have never relished talking with the man but I have not been trying to avoid him.

I called him and let him do the talking: "I want a little something out of this - you all are basically living there for free."
"We are moving out as fast as we can and we have moving expenses that we have to see to first. You're going to have to be patient with us."
"I have been patient with you. You were late with the rent last month."
"Hey. We were patient with you. For twelve days, we had a moving van sitting outside your house waiting for you to get your things out so we could move in. That wait cost us over a thousand dollars - that was our nest egg. Wasting it on waiting on you has directly contributed to us not being able to afford this place. We have been very patient with you, now you must be patient with us."
"I didn't know about all that..." he managed to say.

Here's where I have to break from the dialogue for a moment... The moving van sat there for 12 days... we didn't cover it with camouflage netting & the fact that it was a rental was loudly displayed on any given part of the truck.
The man is supposed to be a cop - he ought to be able make basic observations about obvious fucking circumstances. Things like - rental trucks cost money. More days rented - more money spent.
Pro-rate that you motherfucker.

"We're not trying to cheat you. We're going to leave the place clean and as quickly as we can."
"I didn't say you were trying to cheat me. I just want something for the time you are there."
To my shame, I name-dropped, but it essentially ended the conversation: "If I have to, I'll borrow money from my folks or from my uncle. You will get your money."
I could feel him sag with the weight of understanding what I just said. He knows now that he might be making some enemies with his blowhard act.
"OK. Well, keep me informed. Bye." he said, deflated.
"Sure thing. Bye."

I doubt this house will be rented again. There's too much leftover landlord shit taking up the space including one full room of the house and a crawlspace I have never ventured to explore.
The shed out back is full of his shit and is surrounded by even more of his shit he couldn't fit inside but just covered with a scenic bright blue tarpaulin.
Oh, and there's a fucking pit bull penned up in a chicken coop that hasn't been loose since August. Among the knocks at the door we have dreaded expecting was the one charging us with complicity in a goddamned animal cruelty rap.

He's got a lot a nerve charging us rent at all.