The Dear Deleted

A friend of mine deleted her blog the other day and I will miss her writings and pictures.

I can't blame anybody for pulling the plug on these things though. I have unceremoniously croaked off two of my own. Commercial Disaster was my attempt at snarling back at the bullshit foisted off on all those thoroughly irritated by the "information age". Towards the end, I became more and more bored with the narrow margins I had set for it. Paseo Diaries was written during a separation between my woman and me. Ultimately I knew I was chronicling a transitional period in my life - an ugly and painful one at that - and that when I emerged from it, I would again be somehow beyond the bounds of the original intent reflected in the blog title. The Paseo is a neighborhood in Oklahoma City that I knew I would not live in for long regardless how things worked out for my marriage.

Considering them now, it's easy to see the parallels to the changes going on in my life and these blogs reflecting the necessary adjustments until they were depleted beyond any further use.
Deleting them was a form of molting. A raw experience maybe but also liberating.

As far as any concerns over destroying a part of myself by blotting out those words, I couldn't disagree more. I have stacks of poems collecting dust that I have written over the last twenty years that I have no interest in ever reading again... I cannot imagine returning to them for any reason. They have served their purposes & I will never feel the same way about most of them again. I think blogs share something in common. While I can't quite bring myself to burn up the poems, the idea of them existing in a published capacity accessible to anyone interested is just too much. The nature of blogging feels like my pants are down at my ankles before the whole world sometimes; maybe they're watching, maybe they're not... Maybe they like what they see, maybe they hate it... There are so many voices in the wilderness. So many eyes too.

Leaving your life exposed like that can be fucking mortifying.

Also, if I can't write something better than what I have written before then maybe it is time to quit. Those are just my feelings about it.

Rest in peace to all the deleted blogs.